Sometimes I feel like a worry doll. I hug my kids and absorb their angst, then they trip out the door and on with their lives, oblivious to the turmoil they have left me in.
I know that worrying is an utter waste of time. It is all about the future, and who can possibly control that? I was talking with a lovely yogi this week about how unsettling uncertainty is, and how worrying about outcomes is such a sucker of joy and energy.
Worry and uncertainty go hand in hand. I see parents worrying about their kids final results, driving down south, drinking, partying. I see daughters worrying about the health outcomes of aging parents, partners, friends. I see separated couples, wondering 'will this ever be over?' I see all of us, worrying that we haven't done enough, been enough. It can be exhausting and debilitating and is a great unkindness to ourselves.
There is no way that we can be sure of everything all of the time (much to our absolute chagrin!) - so how can we slow the worry merry-go-round in our mind?
It can be helpful to look backward and see how, mostly, things tend to work themselves out. Not always. But either way, worrying is unlikely to have played a part in the outcome. When I look back at the times in my life when it was a crazy circus full of too many clowns and I felt like I would implode, it was me putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next obvious thing that helped. Getting all bent out of shape over things out of my control proved to be futile.
Maybe I used up a lot of my worry then. Maybe I actually am getting wiser as I get older (who knew?) Now I know that most things can wait. I know that things will generally be okay. I accept that bad things happen to good people, and worrying about those bad things could take up all of my waking hours if I let it. I trust my children, my lovely partner, my great friends. I trust that life has a way of figuring itself out, whether I lay awake all night worrying or not.
Here is my wish for you: when you find your mind wandering to future worries - ask yourself 'is there anything I can do about this?' If there is a concrete, tangible action that you can take to reduce your angst, no matter how small, then do it. If not, then take a few deep breaths. Send some loving thoughts to the person/situation you are worried about. Acknowledge that while you are magnificent and all things powerful, your worrying will not change a thing. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for caring, and move back into your day, making a difference right here, right now, in this moment.
To stay on the path in the present is a gift you give to yourself and those around you. John Lennon said 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.' We could add to that ' ... and worrying about all the ways that things may not work out, could go wrong, might fail.'
Worrying about things outside of our control takes us out of the present and into a future that is out of our hands. How about we simply be here, in our life just as it is today, quirky and flawed, ridiculous and tragic?
Worries are just thoughts. Can you send thoughts of love, hope, trust and faith instead?
With love,
Amanda xx
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