Stop all the clocks ...

*A good friend, a lovely man, died recently, and these are some thoughts I had on loss and grief, and how hard it must be for his wife and daughters. If this is not the right time for you to read this sort of content, please leave it for another time xx

Scroggin time on one of our hikes

When someone you love dies, the words of poet W H Auden ring so true:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone ...

How is it possible that the minute hand keeps ticking, the phone continues to trill, and the dog keeps barking at its just-out-of-reach tail? Don't they know? Don't they know that you are hollow, shattered, bereft? How can the world continue to turn?

It seems desperately unfair, and yet. These calls for attention can be a way of moving forward, a reason to put one foot in front of the other. Items to tick off a list, things to sort, plans to make. And if you are lucky, you get to do these things with other people who loved this person, this lovely person who gave so much and was funny and loving and kind and generous. Who loved with his whole heart, plus more. If you are lucky, you get to laugh and hug and cry and talk about him, linger over photos, and remember holidays and golf trips and hikes and the constant disappointment of being a Dockers supporter, yet still showing up every week decked out in purple.

It seems desperately unfair, and yet. How lucky to be married to him, to have him as your dad, your brother, your son, your best mate. How lucky to just be around him, with his broad smile that reached all the way to his eyes. He had the best smile. How lucky that out of all the places in the world, he was here. I am sure many have been inspired to tweak their own lives after seeing the way he valued and loved, adored, his family and prioritised quality over quantity.

It is desperately unfair and sad and all kinds of wrong to die so soon. Sooner or later, it is something we will all face. The clocks won't stop. The dog will continue to bark. But hopefully, if we live our lives right, we will leave behind people to cry and hug and reminisce and continue to love us with all their hearts, even when those hearts are breaking.

To love is to suffer, but what is the alternative? So, love them hard. Hold nothing back. Be vulnerable. Don't assume that they know. Be brave in the face of the unknown. When they have gone, look for signs that they are still nearby - a feather, a butterfly, a pod of dolpins, the football (unbelievably) landing between the goal posts - and know that you are not alone, and that they have not gone very far at all. In fact, they reside just there, snugged up against your tender, aching heart.

Sending love and deepest sympathy to Dean's beautiful wife and daughters, and to those who need it today ❤️❤️❤️

Much love,

Amanda xx