I have just returned from 10 days in Queenstown NZ with my man and 3 x 18 year olds. We did every adrenalin fuelled activity we could. I am not a big fan of heights, I get motion sick in a car on bendy roads and can be a bit claustrophobic. Nearly every activity involved a winding drive, ridiculous heights, darkness, and one memorable day, sitting in a wetsuit on a hot bus and driving along a road deemed one of the most dangerous in the world.
Can you hear my screams?! Can you see how tight I am holding on to the straps? Everyone else is laughing and I can't figure out whether to cry or throw up.
Despite my fear, my nausea, my terror, it was one of the best trips I have ever had. I have noticed a tendency in myself over the past few years to make safe choices, take the comfortable option, opt-out rather than opt-in. My life is lovely, so none of this has felt like the lesser choice. But having faced my multiple fears and turned out okay, I have realised that I am so much more capable than I have given myself credit for. Just because I am scared of something doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.
Most of our daily fears are smaller; less about jumping off a cliff and more about being brave enough to try something new, be a beginner, be prepared to get a little uncomfortable because we don't know what will happen. The fear of failure, the fear of looking like an imposter. The fear of not knowing.
But isn't that just life? We don't know what is around the corner. We will never ever be perfect, so how we are right now has to be good enough. That doesn't mean we don't continue to learn and grow, but we will never know everything. Never know enough. Never really be ready.
So, what is stopping you from jumping? From saying yes to something you have an inkling you may like to do? Where is the resistance coming from? What if you said yes? How would that feel? What is the worst that could happen? Remember it is from our failures that we often learn the most.
When I look back on my life, it has been the things that terrified me that have been the most rewarding. The regrets I have are around the things I was not brave enough to try, to say yes to, that I let my perfectionist tendencies get in the way of. At 51, I think I am finally figuring out that saying 'yes' first and dealing with the fears that arise is so much more beneficial for my life than saying 'no' and remaining safe and small.
I came across this saying the other day: 'The day is short, the journey is long, there is little oil in the lamp.' I am choosing to use my oil - my energy, my focused attention - on things that challenge and inspire me.
What if you said yes? To new experiences, to expansion, to something uncomfortable, to different friendships. How might that look? More importantly, how might that feel?
There is little oil in all of our lamps. Our lives are finite, but the possibilities before us are endless.
May you leap and feel the wind beneath you and the sun warming your back.
Much love,
Amanda xx
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