As a mother, there are many things I get wrong. It goes with the turf. I tried my hardest in the early days, and I can see now, with hindsight, that that may not be the best way to parent. I had a lot of ideas and opinions on the right and wrong way to do things and was determined to do everything right, all of the time.
You can imagine how that turned out! There's nothing like teenagers to rewire everything you thought you knew about children, your own in particular.
Charlotte and Jack
Myy kids are now 19 and 22. They are going through adult things, in their own particular ways. And something has happened in the last little while, where I can see clearly the adults that they actually are, rather than the ones I thought they might become. They are their own uniquely quirky and flawed individuals, even to my rose-tinted eyes.
They are both figuring some things out. Usually, I would be Googling and finding answers and ruminating, bombarding them with questions and poking poking poking. Probably (definitely) being a bit bossy and interfering.
But now, I listen. I ask a couple of questions for clarity. I check in with how they are feeling about the situation, ask if they need my help. And then I just trust them. I trust that they are getting to know themselves, and learning how to operate in this adult world. I trust that they know I am here if they need me. I trust in their goodness and intelligence.
I wish, when they were younger, that I had more trust in them. I wish I had listened, properly listened, to what they did and did not want. Because who am I to tell them what they should like or want or do? I wish that, instead of manipulating the space around them, I simply held it, gently, and allowed them to explore in their own time, their own way.
I love the unique individuals that they are. I wish I had met them earlier, if that makes sense, instead of taking so long to figure this out. I cut myself some slack here, because I was going through stuff that kept me hyper-stressed for many years. It is hard to be your best self at those times.
Sometimes we do our best. Often not. The humanness of us all means life will keep getting in the way of perfection. So, trust them. Trust yourself. And for now, simply be the steady point around which they are able to orbit.
Much love,
❤️
Amanda xx